Where is my Vision?

The more that I think about it, the more I think that I’m a really unlikely candidate for a religious conversion.

And believe me, I think about it.

First, I’m overly analytical. I can’t leave well enough alone; I have to hash and rehash every thought and idea and interation. Well, not every, but enough of them for it to be a pattern.

Secondly, I’m a born skeptic. I like the idea of things that are metaphysical and can’t be quantified, but I don’t think that I actually believe in these things. I need ‘evidence’. I seem to be harping on this theme, but I suspect that getting through it is going to be very important to me.

Ack. If I want this blog to be vaguely sustainable, I’m going to have to offer a bit more than ‘Waaaa! I don’t believe in God. He won’t appear to me in a vision. Waaaaa!’

And my prayer life is going to have to become a little more evolved than my going ‘OK God, if you want me to attend this Christian Meditation class tonight, then you’re going to have to help me get the boys asleep before 6.30’.

He didn’t incidentally.

I also say the ‘F’ word a lot. I hope that it isn’t going to be the deal breaker….

3 thoughts on “Where is my Vision?

  1. I’m a believer who wonders the same thing sometimes – the vision thing. I think my doubts and my worries and wondering about my place as a person might be solved if I had a vision or a voice – but have decided why I think actually getting anything like that would be *bad* for me.

    Bear with me, I’m very weird.

    Firstly, I am a mental illness sufferer. It’s just bipolar disorder, which isn’t the worst of mental illnesses – I’m functional (most of the time) and have never had any hallucinations, but the thing is, I’ve read that some sufferers can have hallucinations and that this conditon can lead to worse conditions (such as schitzophrenia). In other words, if I hear a voice in my head or see an angel (hopefully one from the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion because God knows I’m a nerd), I’m less likely to think “Oh, word from God!” and more likely to freak the f*** out and worry my mind’s slipping further down the rabbit hole. Even if I was *sure* I’d gotten something divine, no one would take me seriously if I spoke of it because, hey, known “crazy” person, why would they?

    Secondly, I think a touch of doubt is good for my artistic work. I enjoy writing fantasy fiction (not that a lot of people really care about it, certainly have yet to have a book published and not for lack of trying). Some of my work lately has been stuff where I’ve played up ideas surrounding “spiritual ambiguity” – ie. characters in magic worlds questioning the magic and other supernatural things and some of said supernatural things telling people they “might not be real.” I think my work is richer than if I made everything “sure” in it. It’s kind of like that one short story I wrote while depressed – I don’t think it’d have the punch that it has if I wasn’t under that condition at the time.

    I don’t know – maybe some of us are “for visions” and some of us aren’t.

    • Thanks Shadsie. I think I know what you’re saying. Mind you, a vision from an ‘un-crazy’ person would probably be treated just as sceptically as someone who has had mental illness issues. I think that ‘Dr; medication!’ would be the first port of call….

      • I’d think if God gave me a vision, he’d have to do extra hard special work with me to get me to believe it, if nothing more than I have all these ideas about life being made up of one’s perceptions and wondering if we really know what’s “real” one person to another, other than widespread consensus. Also, being a modern person who deals with what I deal with, I know how easily feelings and perceptions can be a matter of the brain and the chemicals therein.

        I figure that things will be different when I’m dead, but hey, maybe not even then. I have this idea about “subjective eternity based on the fact that the brain’s not built to process non-existance so it just doesn’t” going on in some of my writing / a couple of my short stories. (I just never quite “got” the whole “atheist” eternity-of-darkness/oblivion thing because when I was put under for surgery I didn’t exactly experience a few hours of darkness – I only saw the darkness behind my eyelids when I was getting sleepy/waking up). – So I think that even if atheists are right, a whole lot of people get to Heaven anyway (because they think they do).

        I live in the mundane now because I have a vivid enough imagination to make up for it and to keep me from bordeom. The latest ramble on my blog right now is about how I think we live in a magical world and don’t realize it because of the way our perceptions take it.

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