I tend to be a bit of a people pleaser. I feel responsible for people’s emotions and have never mastered the haughty aloofness that I often wish I could nail.
So this post is one that is really difficult for me to write. I don’t want to disappoint you, readers, as so many have read my posts, thought deeply about them, commented and prayed for me. So I’ve been putting this off for a while.
The fact is, the Christian God is not the way for me. I’ve thought about it so much (as you all know!) and read and thought and discussed and, well…everything.
It’s just not the path that I feel I’m meant to take.
And my GOD I’ve given it some thought.
I suppose it’s not a huge revelation; I’ve been hedging around it for a while now.
What has brought me to this? For starters, my belief that the Bible isn’t inerrent is not a death knell- there are plenty of Christians who have come to terms with that. Fundamentalism isn’t a given for any religion and I’m comfortable in the understanding that ‘The Christian Left’ is a legitimate movement.
Essentially, I don’t believe that there is only one way to God, and, in my understanding, to be a ‘Christian’ you have to believe that Christ died. For our sins. And rose again.
And I don’t.
I’ve not made a secret of the fact that the idea has never sat comfortably with me, but I entertained the concept. Mulled it over. So I don’t feel that I’m dismissing the whole thing without due consideration, put it that way.
I’m not going back to a purely materialist world view. I don’t think that the here and now is all that there is.
Given that, back in the day, I decided on the title The Aspirational Agnostic, I know that that the journey is not over and I feel that there is something that I need to continue searching for. Not because there is a void in my life, not because I am unhappy and not because I need a set of rules to live by.
I’m not saying no to God. I’m still going to visit church sometimes and I, and this is an important bit, am not going to be stereotypical of ‘christians’ anymore.
I choose to believe that there is more to existence that what we see in front of us.
This blog really, really doesn’t have a niche, does it? I piss off the Atheists and now I’m disappointing the Christians.
But the conclusion that I have now come to is that there are many paths that wind up the mountain, but once we get to the top, the view is the same.
Bugger me if it doesn’t seem that I’m moving towards being ‘spiritual rather than religious’. I guess that this proves that God (or Goddess 😉 ) really does have a sense of humour.