An all too shakeable Faith.


I often read about people who have an unshakeable faith.

They endure enormous trials, they live through unimaginable horrors (Immaculee Ilibagiza, for example) and, rather than render them agnostic, they become more firmly grounded in their belief than ever.

Now that’s an impressive faith. It always makes me think ‘what do they know that I don’t know?’ or ‘seriously, can some people not take the hint?’ (I kid).

You see, if there was a continuum of faith from unshakeable to really flakey, I think that we all know where I’d be. Something will happen that causes me to throw up my hands in desperation (such as this and this) and then I abandon all of my progress and understandings and good stuff and stop blogging for a while.

But then, always, I get that little niggle again and back I come. ( this, maybe? )

But I think that there’s one main, over-riding reason why I walk away, though. Why I switch off. Because the one time that I really, really needed God, that I needed help,

help didn’t come.

and I couldn’t do it on my own

and I just can’t move past it.

While the word ‘Holocaust’ can usually pull me up in my tracks and make me question an all-loving God, it’s still distant and far away from my day to day reality.

I can more easily disconnect from it, and although it has been a convenient ‘off switch’ for my religious growth in the past, I’ve come to an understanding, of sorts, with the concept.

But then there’s my Big Road Block.

Because no matter how close I come to belief and faith, this looms in my mind and I think

God could have helped me and he didn’t.

People have come out of the Rwandan Genocide, and the Holocaust, with their faith, probably a bit bruised but essentially there. A tangible and essential part of their life.

Which makes me wonder if I’m intentionally setting up road blocks for myself…

(but that’s for the next post.)

15 thoughts on “An all too shakeable Faith.

  1. You are definitely not alone in feeling that way. I’m sure that whatever you went through was very intimidating and it seemed like God was no where to be found, but I am sure that He was there in his own way, easy as it is for me to say. Don’t worry, even Mother Theresa doubted 🙂 I will be praying for you

  2. It’s not God’s job to help us or make us happy. How paltry a set of wings you’d have if, instead of struggling to emerge, you were pulled from your cocoon.

    The point, perhaps, isn’t to prove there’s a loving God who makes us feel safe. There is no safety. The point is to grow in spirit. You can worry about God later.

  3. They say the important thing about faith is not how strong it is, but how strong is the person one has faith in. Jesus said tiny faith can still achieve great things, because it is a great God who works through our little faith.

    And doubt isn’t so bad, it is often the doorway to new understandings.

    But you are right, it is when we expect God to do something that we really need, and he doesn’t do what we want, that is when faith is hardest. We can understand intellectually why God may know better than we do, but our personal trust takes it on the chin. My “answer” is generally to simply ask myself, well do I still believe Jesus told the truth? I always still do, and so I go on.

    BTW, CS Lewis’ faith wasn’t always as strong as your diagram suggests (if you read A Grief Observed, written after his wife died, you’ll see that), and neither was Mother Theresa’s. It turns out some of the christians who achieved most had just as many doubts.

    I really appreciate your honest reports along the way, and I am another who prays for you. Best wishes.

    • Ill have to read the CS Lewis- I’ve got it somewhere.
      I’m using one of your posts ( the one about belief that we exchanged comments on) as a basis for a post soon. That ok?

  4. I understand your questions. I had them myself…then God showed up! I hope that you read my upcoming book, The Walking Wounded… It’s a book about abuse and how God rescued me. I will be praying for you. Many blessing!!

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