Like pretty much every body alive (except maybe Benedictine nuns or Zen Buddhists), my monkey- mind is fairly dominant. There are constantly 8000 thoughts clammering for attention in my head. I do attempt to calm this all down; I’ve been trying to meditate lately, and given that I don’t have a quiet second from 5am onwards this has been at about 8.30pm. (So far I’ve gone a whole 5 minutes before falling asleep. Win!)
Sometimes though, I get these very clear, very succinct thoughts. I think of them as my block letter ideas.
They are clear, fully formed and usually quite wise; three things that I’m not particularly famous for. I have to concede that they’re not amazingly insightful thoughts that I couldn’t get on my own (if I had 5 minutes to sit quietly or compose a thought, that is). They are more along the lines of being good, sensible advice that I’d be better off taking notice of.
A less skeptical person (less skeptical than me, I mean) would see this as a God-thing I’m sure, but given, as I said, that these thoughts are not always 1000 times removed from the sort of thoughts that I would have myself then I’m not going to automatically call ‘voice of God!!’.
So the other night I was umming and ahing over what I should read. Something light (Kisses for Katie), something heavier (The Seven Story Mountain) or just give it all up and watch Real Housewives of OC, when the bold letters appeared in my head
‘Read the Book of James’
and I thought ‘Oh, that’s a good idea. I haven’t opened the Bible for ages. I’ll look at a bit of James’.
‘All of it’
‘That’s not going to happen’, I thought. I knew that there were about 30 minutes before my narcolepsy kicked in. Of course those amongst you who have more bible learnin’ that me will know that James is really short- only a few pages. So I went down stairs and found my ‘Case for Christ’ Bible (I like this Bible but I don’t love Strobel and think that his case is weak and unconvincing. So there).
I read James, thinking ‘hmmm, lots of good stuff here; I should make time to really get into it and study it’.
Do it properly, take notes.
So now we have ‘Team God’, who would say that of course this is God leading me in a particular direction and ‘Team Subconscious’, flying the flag of ‘it’s your own thoughts, leading you in the direction of where you think you should go’.
Obviously I’m now reading through James very carefully, because I’ve either had an instruction from the Big Fella or my subconscious is giving me really clear and explicit instruction.
And you know what? Given the amount of work/ parenting/ life decisions that I have to make on a daily basis, and the fact that I often feel as if I have no idea how I’m supposed to navigate this thing called ‘life’, being given big, bold, don’t mess with me instructions is pretty fabulous.