Why I’ll never be a ‘Blogger’ blogger.

I’ve been a bit too serious here lately and I don’t like it. This post is basically a conduit for GIFs. As is the entire Internet, I guess.

I know blogs.

I do. I love and adore and know blogs. I know when I’m being manipulated by feel good graphics and inspirational posts and SUBSCRIBE HERE pop ups and I don’t even care, that’s how much I love them.

Despite this deep and abiding passion, I’ve managed to create a quite unsuccessful blog. Hang on, that sounded a bit down. ‘My blog isn’t very widely read’ probably sounds less whiny. But that’s just fine with me. This was never intended to be a ‘Blog’ kind of blog and I wouldn’t be able to handle the pressure if I had more than a handful of readers, but just to make myself feel better about the hypothetical failure that I don’t care about, I’d like to point out all the mistakes that I’ve made. Aspirational bloggers, take note- do the exact opposite of what I’ve done and you’ll be tremendously successful.

I post too sporadically. Not in a ‘Let’s check back twice a week to see if there’s a post, what a fun surprise!’ kind of way, but more in a ‘She hasn’t posted for three months, could she be dead?’ way.

I don’t network. At least I’m consistent online and in real life I guess. You’re supposed to leave comments on other blogs in your niche to drive traffic to your site. Firstly, I don’t. It is embarrassingly obvious when a comment is left just to drive traffic. Also, I have no niche. See next point.

I don’t have a niche. I’m not an atheist so I can’t sit with them and I’m not an evangelical so they wouldn’t want to play with me, except as the token heathen and I imagine that would get old fairly quickly. I’m not a mummy blogger or a fashion blogger or a crazy hippy or…well, you get the idea.

I’m awful at using the right categories to label my posts and don’t understand how ‘tags’ work. How is there a difference between them? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

I don’t have a landing page.

I don’t know what a landing page is.

Maybe they’re only for websites that are for selling things? No idea. Don’t need to know.

I take crappy photos. If there has even been a good one here it’s been a matter of good luck rather than good planning.

I don’t know what SEO is. Well, I know what it stands for but that’s it. I know in theory I could google it and everything but honestly, just no.

I don’t know my ‘ideal reader’. The experts say that you are supposed to know your ideal reader and imagine that you’re writing for them. What?

My blog isn’t helpful. Great blogs are helpful. This one isn’t. I’m pretty sure that there has never been anything helpful posted on this blog. Unless its in a cautionary tale type of way. Or by accident.

I don’t use snappy titles like ‘Five Ways To Get Closer To God’*. Using numbers in blog titles is apparently fantastic and people click on them like crazy. Actually that’s an awesome title for a post. I’m going to use it. Please don’t steal it.

Right, that was fun. I needed a bit of a boost tonight and that’s done the trick!

20 thoughts on “Why I’ll never be a ‘Blogger’ blogger.

  1. And all this time I thought I was your ideal reader! And just what is an SEO? (I know what an SEU is – Spouse Equivalent Unit – and I even have one, which makes for immense fun in conservative church circles.) And never underestimate the power of a cautionary tale. And that’s four sentences beginning with a conjunction.

    • Well I suppose my ideal reader is someone who reads my posts and then comments, preferably without scornful condescension. The bar is pretty low but if it’s any comfort you’re pretty much nailing it. And why are you mixing in conservative church circles anyway??

      Search Engine Optimisation apparently. If people googled ‘Searching for God’ or ‘Great Agnostic Blog’ in an ideal world (in which I cared) they would get me as their first hit. Instead of ‘kitty melbourne social justice “dr.who’ and ‘christian weight loss quotes’, both of which people have googled and ended up here. Poor things.

      • And the disciples said, “Look, Lord, what a great crowd of people. How shall we feed them all?” Jesus replied, “The secret to eternal life is slimness. Consider the lilies of the field: they don’t gorge themselves on Krispy Kremes, yet see how radiant they are. Let the crowd exercise self control. And the exercise will burn a few calories as well.”

      • “Instead of ‘kitty melbourne social justice “dr.who’ and ‘christian weight loss quotes’, both of which people have googled and ended up here. Poor things.”

        I am literally laughing out loud over here! Those are really random things to search!

  2. Ha ha! I follow your blog because 1. you don’t write crap posts to keep to a schedule, 2. You don’t do lists and 3. You can actually write. Forget the GIF’s and write the odd blog post from time to time. I’ll be reading.

  3. I have to shoot these down bc I don’t satisfy classic parameters, either. =)

    I have my own schedule (which is whenEver I can manage to post!). You can ignore the “wisdom” out here that you need to post consistently, unless you are serious about showing up on search engines as a new blogger.

    I am impressively illiterate when it comes to technology (which is why I remain miles clear of FB and Twitter). I have no idea how you got your nifty moving graphics up.

    I also don’t have a niche or a target reader. =) Hence the spectrum of readers on my board. I am not your typical Christian blogger and I hope to stay that way.

    I don’t do a lot of pix or photos. No time, energy, talent.

    And on

    and

    on!!

    Just BLOG!!

    XXXX
    Diana

  4. I’m just reading this, Eva, which shows how out of the loop of the blogosphere I am! I like your blog because you’re willing to tell it like it is. I think there is a niche for people exploring spirituality in honest ways. Let’s find each other and keep blogging! Thanks for your humorous look at blogging. You name many of my own insecurities!

    • I’m glad you can relate to my writing. I am trying to temper my tendency to ‘tell it how it is’ a bit lately as it sometimes gets me in trouble but I think that authenticity is always important. Thanks for the visit 🙂

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