Hi, I’m Eva…

and I live in Tasmania, Australia. I write down my thoughts about faith.


I moved from being an angry atheist to maybe probably believing in god to becoming a Christian (in December of 2014). I just realised one morning that I was a Christian but hadn’t admitted it to myself yet. So I went ‘Huh! How about that?’.

I’ve experienced some other pretty significant changes since then but causality doesn’t equate to correlation and all that. I’ll always be a bit of a sceptic.

I’m a mother of 4 boys, a wife, a high-school teacher, a peacemaker, a loud introvert, a Whovian, an early riser. a hippy at heart, a people lover and I’m a big fan of science.

I love non- fiction, eye shadow, bluegrass music, shoes, The Office, Parks and Recreation, The Thick of It, babies, bunting, WW2 history and stationary. And world peace, clearly.

I can be contacted at evasfaithblog@gmail.com


62 thoughts on “Hi, I’m Eva…

  1. What a unique blog. I hope you are getting meaningful responses. One of the most meaningful quotes on the search for meaning for me comes from C.S. Lewis (who himself was an atheist as an adult before ‘finding God’):

    “Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for these desires exists. A baby feels hunger; well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim; well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire; well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

    In other words, why would we search for meaning in a meaningless universe? Hence, Lewis adds:

    β€œIf the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning.”

    In my own blog, I seek to make sense out of life with God as a starting point for thinking about the world.

  2. Just wanting something to be true doesn’t make it so. Apparently, you have to work at it.

    So, I’m working at believing.

    I was right with you in these first two sentences, but the third one baffles me. You have to work at making something so. Working at believing it to be so isn’t the same thing. … Right? I mean, I desperately want it to be true that no wars would ever happen again. Wanting it doesn’t make it so, but working at it eventually might — meaning I ought to support diplomatic efforts, participate in peace activism and give to anti-war groups, etc. — but surely you don’t think that if I were to work at believing that wars didn’t happen, this would make it so that wars weren’t happening.

    • But that’s what it feels like to me; that I have to work at it. I am jealous of those who just ‘have’ faith, but I’m not one of them. I want there to be a God, it doesn’t seem to be coming to me, so I’m being proactive.

      We do what we can to make things occur. We advocate and lobby to stop wars. I was proactive in becoming pregnant, and I am working on mechanisms to help me increase, or even spark, my faith.

      I completely take your point, though.

      • Thanks for your response, but I’m not sure you do (completely take my point). I understand that you are being proactive about developing belief because you want to have belief. Let me try to clarify: if you want there to be a god but you don’t presently believe that one exists, “working at it” would amount to trying to create a god, perhaps trying to become one or trying to help someone you know become one. I don’t see what working on just the belief itself would possibly achieve, other than possibly convincing yourself of something that you don’t actually think is true (which strikes me as a bad outcome).

  3. “So, I’m working at believing.” – love this line! I grew up in a Christian home and believed for as long as I can remember, but there had to come a point where I chose – for me – that I believed the stories told at church, the words of the songs we sung. It’s a constant decision. Also… don’t think that God will even be pinned down – it’s quite frustrating! He can’t be put in a box, or fully understood or anything like that. So saying: “Searching for a God who’s playing hard to get”… well, I don’t think any of us every fully get Him. Which is incredibly liberating. It’s a reminder that we are very insignificant in comparison to His existence or love. I feel like I’m talking a bit in circles… hard to put my finger on exactly what it is I want to say when I’m constantly encountering a God that blows me away, even when I don’t deserve it. Thanks for writing rawly, honestly, with intrigue and an unabashed persistence.

  4. Hello Eva. I’m just dropping in to say “hi.” Can’t really think of much to say about religion, except that I’m happy to be rid of it in my life. Perhaps I can think of one thing to say and it’s that every time I time I begin to think about about being a bit religious myself, some religious person says something to make me realize I’m far better off the way I am. We should talk about religious awe sometime.

  5. G’day Eva, I’m an Aussie too (from Sydney), as if that’s important. I wish you well on your journey and will be interested to see how you progress.

    My life can only be interpreted through the prism of belief – and questions, and doubt. As life goes on (I am getting to be an old dude), and as I read more and more, I have more and more questions, but I have greater confidence that God is there and that I am in contact with him (just!). I hope you get to that point too.

    Best wishes.

  6. I recently found your blog and I relate to it so much. I completely understand the line you wrote about having to work at believing, because that’s exactly where I am too. I know I believe in some type of force I call God, but the details beyond that often confuse me. I also question everything to such an extent that I often end up unintentionally talking myself out of belief, but I’m trying really hard to change. I want to believe, but it’s difficult sometimes.

  7. Hi, I’m sort of a “believer” but not in the usual Christiany ways. You didn’t ask, but I thought I’d throw in my two cents.

    I have no concrete proof God exists. I’m not going to reason with you, attempt logic, or present facts I can’t prove. Instead, I say this:

    I believe in God because I want to. I enjoy it. It makes me happy. I could be wrong. And I’m okay with that. I wake each day knowing this could all be untrue, and I might die and not wake up in Heaven. And I’m okay with it. Because for now, for these moments, for this lifetime, believing there’s a God up there who created me, loves me, believes in me, knows me, fights for me…it gives me one more reason to get up in the morning. And sometimes we just need that.

    So, there’s me on the existence of God. He might not be real. And that’s okay. Unicorns probably aren’t real too. But they’re so damn pretty, aren’t they?

    • Ha! I like animals just fine, I just don’t looooove them, if you know what I mean. I snuggled 2 baby chicks back from the brink of death last week and hand raised goats not that long ago- but I won’t need a week off work when my dog goes to the happy hunting ground. πŸ™‚

  8. Hi. It’s really a pleasant thing to visit your blog, and to actually “meet” someone like you. I admire what you’re doing. Thank you for this openness. I was talking to one of my closest friends last night and the last message I told him was this: “To give God a chance.” I believe that this is what you’re already doing, and I cannot stress how admirable this is.

    I spent nearly a decade of my life studying in a Catholic school for girls. However, I’m not a Catholic. I’m actually a Muslim. Throughout my life though, the only formal education that I got when it came to religion was in that Catholic school. I only got to learn more of Islam through self-studying and contemplation (I still am learning, and trying to grow in my faith as of now). Despite being the only Muslim student in that school, NEVER did I regret being there. Even if I was studying a religion that was in some ways different from mine, I believe that that school, as a whole, deepened my conviction and relationship with God. Both the Bible and the Qur’an are books that are deeply dear to me. I tell my friends that studying in that Catholic school actually inspired me to become a better person who submits to God (that is to say, a Muslim).

    I hope that your spiritual journey goes on. I’m not saying that it would be easy, but I hope that you never give up. Go on… Study, read, debate, and widen your horizons. Be open to different schools of thought. Be open to nature. Be patient. Enrich yourself through learning.

    Even if it so happens that at the end of one’s life, a person still concludes that all faith in God must be abandoned, then at least, that person can die with conviction. At least, she gave God/the concept of God a genuine chance, and thus, can die knowing that she did everything that she could in her lifetime.

    I wish you peace, really. Forward, fellow sojourner.

    β€œWhat you seek is seeking you.”
    ― Rumi

    • Thanks you for such a thoughtful and relevant comment. I think that ‘be patient’ is something that I particularly need to keep in mind. Beautiful quote, too πŸ™‚


  9. Thanks for following my wee little blog. I spend a good amount of my life (I am only almost 26, so take that with a grain of salt) agnostic. My head didn’t find logic in what I felt in my heart, until one day it did.(May) I pray that you get there some day.(?) Good luck on your journey. I found it to be one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. There is much to be found when you seek the truth with an open mind and heart.

  10. Wow! What? I love your bio too much. Glad to have found your blog ~ through one J. Fulwiler, where all the best links seem to come from. πŸ™‚ The Infusion of Peace post has me thinking. Thanks again.

    • Yeah, pretty much. I certainly would never be called shy, can totally account for myself in a crowded room and tend to strike up conversations with strangers. But afterwards I need some serious down time. And I hate having more than one person visit me at once πŸ™‚

  11. Eva, your heart is going in the right direction. (By the way, your name reversed is Ave, but you already knew that. But how about this? The Ave,viz., the Blessed Virgin Mary, reversed the curse of Eve (Eva). How about asking her to direct your life and see what happens?)

  12. I love your bio. Not to sure about the UFO evidence though. IS your family supprotive of your spiritual search? You don’t mention your husband much but I would think that this is a big part of your life. I’m sorry if that seems nosey but I feel like I know you from your posts.

    • It’s safe to say that there are few things that my husband is less interested in than religion and spirituality. Probably bluegrass music and bunting πŸ˜‰

  13. As I browse your blog and some of the blogs of the other commenters, I can’t help but notice a commonality… it’s simply glaring. As everyone seems to be discussing God, faith, belief, non-belief, etc, no one mentions anything about what God has to say about these things for Himself. There is so much effort made in seeking God, and the subtitle of your blog truly hits its mark when it comes to our misguided thoughts about finding God. You don’t need to “find” God. He’s not missing. God makes Himself known and wishes for us to know Him, and He makes it incredibly easy to do so. The key is in terms. It is our human nature for us to want to accomplish things on our own terms. Our relationship with the one and only true and living God must be in accordance with His terms, and as you correctly stated, it doesn’t involve a “sinner’s prayer.” The Bible is the source for knowing God. I want to encourage you to read and study the Bible, and you will get to know the Author. Unfortunately, so many people rely on what others say about God, perhaps including the Bible as one of many books on the “finding God” shelf. This is a truly shrewd tactic of God’s enemy. Satan does not want you to have a relationship with God; he has succeeded in making you think God is elusive and that you must work to build your own belief. This is a lie (John 8:44).

    I want to simply mention the first step in having a relationship with God. We must agree with God that He is Holy and we are not. We have missed the mark of perfection that is required in order to be right with God (righteous). The price for this is high That price must be paid. Because of God’s great love for us and His desire to have a relationship with His special creation (Gen 1:31), He made the way for that to happen Jesus took that punishment. This is where many people tune out. Oh… there goes the Christian talking about sin again. And please don’t mention Jesus… I just wanted to find the God I have in my mind. But, Like I said, we must come to God on His terms. Stop here if you don’t like the terms, but it’s to your detriment.

    Upon repentance, we are forgiven (1 John 1:9)! The rest of our lives can and should be spent submitting ourselves to the Lord (James 4:7), being transformed by His Word (Romans 12:1-3), dying to self (Gal 2:20), growing in grace and knowledge (2 Peter 3:18)… I could go on and on. And we don’t do that on our on strength. We couldn’t. It is the Holy Spirit of God working in us (Acts 2:38; 1 Cor 6:19; John 14:26; Romans 8:26; Gal 5:22-23). That is the real journey… not the “seeking.”

    Hebrews 12:2 gives a better understanding of where faith actually comes from… Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

    My prayer for you and others seeking God is that you take Him at His Word and respond accordingly. Your eternity depends on it. The result is spiritual death– eternity in the real place called hell, or spiritual life– eternity in heaven with God (Romans 6:23). There are many things in life we can never be sure of, and most don’t really matter. This matters most. To know with assurance that you will go to heaven when you die is of utmost importance.

    There is so much more I could share with you, so much that I’ve learned from God and about God on my journey with Him. You may certainly email me if you would like to. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to know of your salvation.

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