I may have to sleep in the chook pen tonight.

I’ve pulled my religious/ christianity/ faith type books off the shelves and my Grand Plan is to organise and curate them beautifully into concise sections. I’ve got ‘social justice’, ‘apologetics’ ‘NDEs’, ‘Jesus’, ‘Christian living’, ‘Catholocism’, ‘Rohr’… well, you get the idea. I’ve also got ‘Really Hard Books That I’m Too Simple To Comprehend’. I’m looking at you, Brueggemann and Philokalia.

This idea was much better in theory, believe me.

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It was a good idea at the time.

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Behold, my food for the week. This week. It’s nearly over and I’m thrilled to have raised almost $800 dollars but I can freely say that I have not done this challenge with any degree of stoicism or grace.
There has been complaining.
There has been resentment.
There have been very few lessons learned at this stage because I’m hungry and irritated and cold (nothing to do with the challenge, it’s just freezing here).
On the up side I do not have any caffeine withdrawal to worry about. That’s because I swapped coffee and milk for the oats in the picture shortly after I realised that milk powder doesn’t transfer into black coffee as seamlessly as I’d hoped. So I gave up food before 12.30pm in order to keep my coffee and MY GOD I STAND BY MY DECISION.
I shall reflect and ruminate at a later stage, when I’m not feeling so bloody deprived and resentful, OK?
(Reflect on the fact that I’m a spoilt brat, very probably).

Not my best decision, I realise now.

imageBack in the day before I had children I spent my money on antiquities- Egyptian mummy beads and Roman pots and arrow heads and neolithic axes and all that good stuff.

These days, not so much.

But last week, my attention was drawn to the fact that the local auction place had uncut rubies up for sale (because my 8 year old has developed a little obsession with gemstones) and when I hopped on the website and saw that there were lots such as ‘Ancient and Medieval coins and artefacts’ and ‘Indian arrow heads’ and that sort of shenanigans I placed a few absentee bids.

One of the things that I bid on, sight unseen, was described as ‘Nazi medal’ and I placed a bid of $50 on it without really thinking much apart from ‘how the hell did that get here to Tasmania’ and ‘better here with me that with someone who would glorify it’.

And it wasn’t until I won it and picked it up yesterday that I realised that I’ve got a fucking Nazi medal in my house and I’m pretty uncomfortable with it.

I’ve forced myself to learn about the Holocaust so that I can teach it with passion and conviction to my students and yes, I cry in front of my Grade 10 class every year at some stage in the proceedings so I do consider myself quite knowledgeable of the period, but in a ‘I wish I didn’t know these things but they need to be remembered’ type of way. And in hind-site the thought of actually spending money on something ‘Nazi’ is gruesome but I was thinking more ‘piece of history, however unpleasant’ and not ‘symbol of actual evil in my house’.

So I need advice. What should I do with it? Should it just go in my collection as a powerful lesson for my boys when they are older, to accompany the stories that I already tell them about the Holocaust or should it be disposed of? What is your take on what should be done with Nazi memorabilia?

(Incidentally, it’s a War Merit Cross with Swords)